This I know: God loves me; Christ suffered for my pain, worries, and fears; and I can get through anything with their help.
Last week I had surgery. I've never had surgery before, other than getting my wisdom teeth out which I actually had done 3 months ago, so that was scary. I admit it; I was terrified. I found out that surgery might be a possibility four months ago actually when my roommate rushed me to the ER because I was writhing in pain from what I thought was a stomachache. It wasn't a stomachache. It was a 7 cm cyst on my ovary that had been growing for quite a while. Scary, yeah.
Thankfully General Conference was the next week. I prayed so hard that something would be said in Conference to calm my fears. Prayers are answered because in the first session Elder Kent F. Richards gave a talk entitled The Atonement Covers All Pain. He is a surgeon so he knows all about hospitals and pain. He talked about how Christ suffered for not only our sins but our pains and worries and fears. He suffered for me and He knows how to comfort me and heal me.
The doctor said I should keep watching it, get ultrasounds every once in a while, but see if it would go away on its own. So I waited... for 4 months.
I found out a couple weeks ago that surgery was indeed going to be a reality when they told me the cyst was 10 cm. I was not afraid, though my mind was worried about it for days. And scheduling the surgery was horrible. (I have since repented for the mean things I said about that doctor's office). I did a whole lot of praying again and I learned that it takes a lot of faith to say "Heavenly Father I know you can calm me down and prepare me for this operation. Please apply Christ's atonement in my behalf at this time". God knew how nervous I was with the idea of having surgery because that meant something was wrong with me, and nothing had been wrong with me before. My dad gave me a blessing Sunday night and I continued to pray all day Monday. I went to my Father in Heaven in humility and told him I couldn't do this on my own.
On Tuesday I woke up feeling calm and confident. My mind was clear from worry and I was able to serve the people I was working with that day. I know that was a blessing from God and my Savior.
Now I'm going to tell you about the actual surgery/recovery. This is when I do a bit of complaining and am not so Christlike as I would like to be. But I told you that I learned from this affliction...learning happens afterwards most often I believe. And I'm sorry there are no pictures to go along with this post but I did not let my mom take pictures of me while on Percocet - No need.
Wednesday morning at 6am my mom drove me to the hospital - oh that lovely hospital that I had visited multiple times before for ultrasounds and check-ups. I am almost done visiting that hospital. - After blood work and pregnancy tests (I'm not pregnant by the way) I was put in a fabulous one-size-fits-all purple hospital gown. My IV wouldn't go in because apparently I've got teeny little veins so I got poked 4 times! Rude. But I was not worried. I was completely calm and trusted my doctor. I thank my Heavenly Father for that. When I woke up from surgery though, it was 10:34. That was a bit confusing since I went in at like 8. Apparently my surgery took two hours! The cyst was bigger than they thought. 10 X 12.5 X 8 cm the doctor said.
As I lay in the recovery room I was in so much pain. I just cried until they gave me some pain medication. But when that finally kicked in I could relax. I noticed the boy laying near me had a big cast on his leg. He asked the nurses "can I see it?" They said no. Then he asked one nurse "Are you a member?" "What?" "Are you a member? of the church?" "Yes" was her quick response. "Well I'm in the MTC right now and I'm gonna be real glad to get this taken care of cause I'm going to Mexico"
Then he asked "Can I see it?" and they said no. "Did I already ask that?" He asked. They said yes and he replied, "Oh I apologize"
It was fabulous. Then he asked the nurses about me: "What's she in here for?" "Surgery just like you" they said. "Oh well tell her I hope she feels better".
then as they wheeled me away he called out "Good luck!"
That made me smile. I wonder if he really is going to Mexico...I wish him luck too.
Out of the recovery room and into my room again, the nurse tried to get me to eat something. Crackers, pudding, jell-o? No thanks - I feel like I'm going to throw up. Oh and then she said that since they inflated my abdomen with air there were air bubbles that would move to my shoulders and give me pain. The best way to relieve that was to walk ... so I was going to need to walk too. No thanks - I think I'd rather just lie here on this very comfortable bed for the rest of the day. She let me sleep which was nice but every 20 minutes it was "Hey how are ya feelin?!" - like I just had a softball removed from my insides thank you. I did not actually say any of these things to my nurse, however my mom may have heard some of them.
I think by 1:30 I was able to eat a club cracker and drink some Sprite. They had the good kind of ice so that was a plus. Then around 2:30 they made me go to the bathroom. That was a fun adventure. As soon as I stood up I wanted to sit down but no, I had to walk all the way to the bathroom and all the way back. I'm pretty sure they thought I'd be leaving then. I wasn't. The nurse kept telling me to get my clothes on and I kept thinking "No thanks - I'll just sleep here if that's cool". But at 4 o'clock I got my clothes on, got wheeled out to the car, and was driven home...with a stop at Arby's because honestly I was starving.
The next three days were pretty much the same. Sleep, eat, sleep, watch a movie, sleep, eat, try to walk to the bathroom without looking like an old grandma, watch another movie, oh and did I mention sleep? And I couldn't laugh because it hurt...really bad. My mom was my guardian angel this week though. She waited on me and bought me food and did my laundry. She was amazing and I love her, especially because I'm pretty sure it was the most boring 5 days of her life. Did you notice my schedule?...she wasn't ever that tired. But Saturday morning we played a board game and that night we went on a walk. We walked to the duck pond, sat down for 15 minutes, then walked really slowly back. That was very exciting.
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Erik came over on Thursday night to visit me. I was a bum so basically we just sat on the couch for an hour...but he's sweet to come. I attempted to go to Sacrament Meeting on Sunday. By that I mean I completely forgot about the elevator so I walked up the stairs to our meeting room and was out of breath by the top. I felt like I had just run up the RB stairs! So as soon as the sacrament was over my mom and I were outta there. Erik came over for dinner that night though and I was feeling much more alive. We worked on our puzzle and finally finished it! woot. And we laughed the whole time and it didn't even hurt. Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" is completely correct. I can always count on Erik to make me laugh - I love that about him.
So then yesterday I was still feeling very sleepy all day and was questioning my ability to go back to work today. But by 7:00 that evening I had put on real pants (jeans, not pajamas) and was driving to Spanish Fork to watch the fireworks. It was a miracle and I was so happy. And today I feel great. Of course I still get tired and it takes me a lot longer to walk places, but my mind is clear and I feel the Spirit. Isn't the Atonement amazing? Isn't it remarkable and grand and miraculous?
Elder Richards was inspired. He said our pain teaches us faith and humility. I learned that this week. I had to have so much faith before my surgery for Father to calm me and then just as much faith after that I would be healed. I learned humility when I realized that I was trying to recover on my own and finally went to Father in prayer thanking him profusely for all the Atonement had done for me that week. In my actual pain and sickness after the surgery I was "slow to remember the Lord" and failed to pray to Him for a couple of days. In that time of affliction I didn't pray for help. That seems a little backward right? Well I was reading in my scriptures today in Alma 55:31 where it says the Nephites were not slow to remember the Lord in their time of affliction. And I thought, sometimes we are not like the Nephites huh? And we are slow to remember to pray or read our scriptures in times of trial. But I realized my mistake and I fell to my knees and thanked God for helping me that week. I know I could not have gone through that without Him and His Son Jesus Christ. This surgery was the toughest trial I have had in my life so far but God knows that. I know the Atonement worked for me and I want to help others feel Christ's love because I feel it now. "In Him we can find peace and solace in and from our pain...if we will but come unto Him with humble hearts. His "grace is sufficient"."
This lesson I will never forget
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