Life is not like the movies

And it's not meant to be really. We all want a fantasy world, we want every relationship to have an happily ever after. That's why we go to movies. Hollywood is really smart; they know how to make the audience "aww" and wish they had a love life like the movies. But those who choose to believe that it is, will prossibly fail at relationships. Movies give you a false sense of how a real, lasting relationship should be and how it will actually come about.

First of all, a lot of the movies we watch I would label as "trashy movies"; they give you the exact opposite of how couples should act (and yes I'm looking at this from an LDS perspective because that's who I am and I don't think more than 3 people are reading this blog anyway)

Guy meets girl in a bar or club, they spend a few hours together and "fall in love", make out, sleep together and most likely don't get married. If they do get married that's a plus. Now that's definitely not going to happen in my relationships so I rule that out.

So then there's the higher quality movies. Guy meets girl and they have to learn to like each other. They eventually fall in love and spend every waking minute together until they finally kiss and there's a flash forward to their wedding. Whoa whoa what happened in the middle? Movies can't show you the 6 months of dating before the engagement. They can't show you how they spent each week, how they had to work and go to school in the middle of that. Hollywood's only got about fifteen minutes to do that and in those fifteen minutes you basically only see them laughing at each others' jokes, kissing, and being "in love". 

I think some people - and I'll admit it's mostly girls because of the chick flicks we constantly watch - want a relationship to happen too quickly. They meet someone, start to like them, and think they should be dating 3 weeks later. They think it'll be "just like the movies" where you see the relationship build in a 3 minute montage of flirtatiousness. I always used to wonder how people fall in love that fast!? It's not actually possible...just so you know.

Movies are not like reality....but...

 

I watched a movie last week called "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend". It was fabulous and one of the most interesting movies. It had a twist, so I liked that, but the idea made me think for a really long time. 

The main actor is a writer, but when he takes his first novel in to be published they turn it down. They tell him that the leading man is not leading man enough. Women like to read about girls like them falling in love with a tall, dark, and handsome man who is charming and debonaire. Or in other words, not like the man she is with. They tell him that in reality women want that terribly attractive man but settle and marry someone who's... not so much. So that's why they read romance novels - to step into a fantasy for just a while (whether it's a novel or a movie it's the same idea) But in the end of the movie it all works out for the best because he falls in love with a beautiful girl and it's so cute! (I may or may not have squealed out of happiness throughout the whole movie...but hey I'm a girl). But really this movie was an exception to a lot of the movies I've been talking about. The whole point of the movie was to tell girls to get their heads out of the clouds and see the man who's right in front of them. It helped me realize that the love story I really want is not the rich guy with a car who's ridiculously handsome to the world's standards - and most likely has a big head about it. It's the guy who walks me everywhere cause he doesn't have a car yet, who makes me laugh until my sides hurt, who's ridiculously handsome in my eyes...and who inspires me.

So I'm thinking... the person you are with, dating, engaged, or married, becomes exactly who you want doesn't he/she? If you were not initially attracted to them but then you fall in love with their personality they become the most attractive person to you right? You may see some random guy and think "well he's hott", but it doesn't matter because you have someone who is ten times better because he is kind and selfless and amazing. 

Ok now I think I'm just babbling...back to my initial thought process...

Real love takes a long time to develop I think. I think people should become best friends first, best friends who know each other so well that they decide they want to spend the rest of their life together. I have no experience with being in love, and I'm 20 years old, which just further proves my point that movies are a false reality. I should have had like 5 boyfriends by this point right? But even though I don't know what it's like to be in love yet, the kind of relationship I want is the "friends first" one.

However, If the only places you have to pull from when you're in your first relationship ever are your roommates - 2 of which have hardly ever gone on dates, one who goes out with a different boy every night, and another who sits in her room and turns down a different guy every night - and the movies...you may be in a bit of trouble...unless you go out and find out for yourself what dating is like.

Even though sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, it's the adventures that we learn the most from and love the most in the end right?

Well at least that's what my stories tell me ;) 

Quite an Adventure

This I know: God loves me; Christ suffered for my pain, worries, and fears; and I can get through anything with their help. 

      Last week I had surgery. I've never had surgery before, other than getting my wisdom teeth out which I actually had done 3 months ago, so that was scary. I admit it; I was terrified. I found out that surgery might be a possibility four months ago actually when my roommate rushed me to the ER because I was writhing in pain from what I thought was a stomachache. It wasn't a stomachache. It was a 7 cm cyst on my ovary that had been growing for quite a while. Scary, yeah.  

     

     Thankfully General Conference was the next week. I prayed so hard that something would be said in Conference to calm my fears. Prayers are answered because in the first session Elder Kent F. Richards gave a talk entitled The Atonement Covers All Pain. He is a surgeon so he knows all about hospitals and pain. He talked about how Christ suffered for not only our sins but our pains and worries and fears. He suffered for me and He knows how to comfort me and heal me. 

      
    The doctor said I should keep watching it, get ultrasounds every once in a while, but see if it would go away on its own. So I waited... for 4 months.

       

      I found out a couple weeks ago that surgery was indeed going to be a reality when they told me the cyst was 10 cm. I was not afraid, though my mind was worried about it for days. And scheduling the surgery was horrible. (I have since repented for the mean things I said about that doctor's office). I did a whole lot of praying again and I learned that it takes a lot of faith to say "Heavenly Father I know you can calm me down and prepare me for this operation. Please apply Christ's atonement in my behalf at this time". God knew how nervous I was with the idea of having surgery because that meant something was wrong with me, and nothing had been wrong with me before. My dad gave me a blessing Sunday night and I continued to pray all day Monday. I went to my Father in Heaven in humility and told him I couldn't do this on my own. 

      On Tuesday I woke up feeling calm and confident. My mind was clear from worry and I was able to serve the people I was working with that day. I know that was a blessing from God and my Savior. 

       

     Now I'm going to tell you about the actual surgery/recovery. This is when I do a bit of complaining and am not so Christlike as I would like to be. But I told you that I learned from this affliction...learning happens afterwards most often I believe. And I'm sorry there are no pictures to go along with this post but I did not let my mom take pictures of me while on Percocet - No need.

       

     Wednesday morning at 6am my mom drove me to the hospital - oh that lovely hospital that I had visited multiple times before for ultrasounds and check-ups. I am almost done visiting that hospital. - After blood work and pregnancy tests (I'm not pregnant by the way) I was put in a fabulous one-size-fits-all purple hospital gown. My IV wouldn't go in because apparently I've got teeny little veins so I got poked 4 times! Rude. But I was not worried. I was completely calm and trusted my doctor. I thank my Heavenly Father for that. When I woke up from surgery though, it was 10:34. That was a bit confusing since I went in at like 8. Apparently my surgery took two hours! The cyst was bigger than they thought. 10 X 12.5 X 8 cm the doctor said. 

     As I lay in the recovery room I was in so much pain. I just cried until they gave me some pain medication. But when that finally kicked in I could relax. I noticed the boy laying near me had a big cast on his leg. He asked the nurses "can I see it?" They said no. Then he asked one nurse "Are you a member?" "What?" "Are you a member? of the church?" "Yes" was her quick response. "Well I'm in the MTC right now and I'm gonna be real glad to get this taken care of cause I'm going to Mexico" 

Then he asked "Can I see it?" and they said no. "Did I already ask that?" He asked. They said yes and he replied, "Oh I apologize"

It was fabulous. Then he asked the nurses about me: "What's she in here for?" "Surgery just like you" they said. "Oh well tell her I hope she feels better". 

then as they wheeled me away he called out "Good luck!"

That made me smile. I wonder if he really is going to Mexico...I wish him luck too.

      Out of the recovery room and into my room again, the nurse tried to get me to eat something. Crackers, pudding, jell-o? No thanks - I feel like I'm going to throw up. Oh and then she said that since they inflated my abdomen with air there were air bubbles that would move to my shoulders and give me pain. The best way to relieve that was to walk ... so I was going to need to walk too. No thanks - I think I'd rather just lie here on this very comfortable bed for the rest of the day. She let me sleep which was nice but every 20 minutes it was "Hey how are ya feelin?!" - like I just had a softball removed from my insides thank you.  I did not actually say any of these things to my nurse, however my mom may have heard some of them. 

    

     I think by 1:30 I was able to eat a club cracker and drink some Sprite. They had the good kind of ice so that was a plus. Then around 2:30 they made me go to the bathroom. That was a fun adventure. As soon as I stood up I wanted to sit down but no, I had to walk all the way to the bathroom and all the way back. I'm pretty sure they thought I'd be leaving then. I wasn't. The nurse kept telling me to get my clothes on and I kept thinking "No thanks - I'll just sleep here if that's cool". But at 4 o'clock I got my clothes on, got wheeled out to the car, and was driven home...with a stop at Arby's because honestly I was starving. 

     The next three days were pretty much the same. Sleep, eat, sleep, watch a movie, sleep, eat, try to walk to the bathroom without looking like an old grandma, watch another movie, oh and did I mention sleep? And I couldn't laugh because it hurt...really bad. My mom was my guardian angel this week though. She waited on me and bought me food and did my laundry. She was amazing and I love her, especially because I'm pretty sure it was the most boring 5 days of her life. Did you notice my schedule?...she wasn't ever that tired. But Saturday morning we played a board game and that night we went on a walk. We walked to the duck pond, sat down for 15 minutes, then walked really slowly back. That was very exciting. 

Ok so I guess I do have one picture. My mom gave me this teddy bear so hold when she left so I would remember that she is always thinking of me. I love it. (plus also he is sooo soft)

     Erik came over on Thursday night to visit me. I was a bum so basically we just sat on the couch for an hour...but he's sweet to come. I attempted to go to Sacrament Meeting on Sunday. By that I mean I completely forgot about the elevator so I walked up the stairs to our meeting room and was out of breath by the top. I felt like I had just run up the RB stairs! So as soon as the sacrament was over my mom and I were outta there. Erik came over for dinner that night though and I was feeling much more alive. We worked on our puzzle and finally finished it! woot. And we laughed the whole time and it didn't even hurt. Whoever said "laughter is the best medicine" is completely correct. I can always count on Erik to make me laugh - I love that about him. 

      So then yesterday I was still feeling very sleepy all day and was questioning my ability to go back to work today. But by 7:00 that evening I had put on real pants (jeans, not pajamas) and was driving to Spanish Fork to watch the fireworks. It was a miracle and I was so happy. And today I feel great. Of course I still get tired and it takes me a lot longer to walk places, but my mind is clear and I feel the Spirit. Isn't the Atonement amazing? Isn't it remarkable and grand and miraculous?

     Elder Richards was inspired. He said our pain teaches us faith and humility. I learned that this week. I had to have so much faith before my surgery for Father to calm me and then just as much faith after that I would be healed. I learned humility when I realized that I was trying to recover on my own and finally went to Father in prayer thanking him profusely for all the Atonement had done for me that week. In my actual pain and sickness after the surgery I was "slow to remember the Lord" and failed to pray to Him for a couple of days. In that time of affliction I didn't pray for help. That seems a little backward right? Well I was reading in my scriptures today in Alma 55:31 where it says the Nephites were not slow to remember the Lord in their time of affliction. And I thought, sometimes we are not like the Nephites huh? And we are slow to remember to pray or read our scriptures in times of trial. But I realized my mistake and I fell to my knees and thanked God for helping me that week. I know I could not have gone through that without Him and His Son Jesus Christ. This surgery was the toughest trial I have had in my life so far but God knows that. I know the Atonement worked for me and I want to help others feel Christ's love because I feel it now. "In Him we can find peace and solace in and from our pain...if we will but come unto Him with humble hearts. His "grace is sufficient"." 

This lesson I will never forget

Quick to Observe

So for work we got to read this talk by Elder Bednar entitled Quick to Observe. - First of all I just need to say that I love my job. What other job, anywhere, pays you to read amazing and inspiring talks and articles and reflect about them just to help you become a better student and mentor, and really just a better person? Answer: there's not one. I am a lucky duck.

Anywho, as I read this talk something really hit me. Elder Bednar told the story of a young man who was seriously dating a young woman and he wanted to marry her. It was at the time that the prophet asked young women to only have one pair of earrings. This young man waited for his girlfriend to follow the prophet's counsel and remove her second set of earrings but she never did. The issue of course wasn't the earrings; it was the fact that she had not followed a prophet of God when he gave a new commandment and the young man did not want to marry someone who was slow to observe the counsel of the prophets. 

"Wow" I thought. Do I follow the prophets' counsel that they give us in General Conference? Am I Quick to Observe what they tell me or do I forget what they say and fail to read the Ensign again when it comes out? I definitely do NOT want the latter to be true, so I committed to read the talks from Conference again and be really observant of what it is our prophets want me to be doing. 

          I want whoever I'm dating to notice that I am Quick to Observe the prophets' counsel, just as I'm going to be looking for that quality in a spouse as well. I am not perfect at following the prophets' counsel yet; I'm still working every day for the desire to change, the confidence to make decisions to do something differently, and the courage to act on my choices so I become something great. I want to marry someone who will work alongside me so we become something great together.

So what have the prophets counseled me to do lately? Today I'll tell you what I'm learning from President Monson...

President Monson's Sunday morning session address was called "The Holy Temple- a Beacon to the World". I was able to attend Conference for the first time ever this last April and this was the session I got to go to. So I heard President Monson give this talk in person - that was pretty powerful let me tell ya. What I remember most from this talk were the stories he told. He told of families who's whole life goal was to get to the temple. They worked, earned money, sacrificed buying nice things just so they could earn enough to take their families to the temple to be sealed. 

I just kept thinking, "what is my whole life's goal? I can tell you it's not going to the temple...but our temple is 3 minutes away!I need to go to the temple more often" So my desire changed, I made a goal to go to the temple every week for the whole summer, and I have done that. It has been the most amazing blessing for me. I have been blessed with peace, comfort, and the ability to get through every trial that has come up. I have been so happy the last two months and I have the spirit with me constantly; this is also because I've been reading the Book of Mormon and praying to Father in Heaven every day, but I've chosen to do those things because I have the spirit. I think that's just a big cycle - you make righteous choices; you feel the spirit. having the spirit makes you want to make more righteous choices, and you keep the spirit in your life. Fabulous.

I want my temple attendance to be a habit so that even when I get back into my crazy college semesters I will make time for the temple and the peace and happiness I know it will bring me. Thinking even farther into the future, when I get married, I want to go with my husband to the temple - another part of that growing together thing. Plus also I can't wait to be able to go to the temple for ordinances other than baptisms. I look forward to that day when I receive the endowment and then the day when I can be sealed for time and all eternity to my best friend. President Monson said, "Until you have entered the house of the Lord and have received all the blessings which await you there, you have not obtained everything the Church has to offer". Ok, I can make the temple a priority. 

So just one last thing before I go get ready for church... at the end of his talk that morning President Monson told the story of the ground breaking for the Rome, Italy temple: 

The day was overcast but warm, and although rain threatened, not more than a drop or two fell. As the magnificent choir sang in Italian the beautiful strains of  "The Spirit of God " one felt as though heaven and earth were joined in a glorious hymn of praise and gratitude to Almighty God. Tears could not be restrained.

The song following his remarks and closing the session was "The Spirit of God". I have never been in an auditorium that big with a choir that huge, nor felt so much of God's love coursing through the room as I did then. The music sang right to my soul and my tears could not be restrained. I didn't want to leave that building when it was over because I just wanted that feeling to last for ever and ever. It was absolutely amazing; I will never forget that day.